3:00 a.m. September 30, 1996…
I am dreaming and in my dream, there is a lot of pain.
Suddenly, I wake up and there is still a lot of pain.
I am not dreaming; I am in labor!
No need to panic, it took me three days to get my firstborn into this world. I will not wake MDH up until I think I should go to the hospital. I will time my contractions for a bit. I go into the den and turn on Turner Classic Movies.
I find the 1957 version of Peyton Place just coming on. I have never seen this movie, maybe I will watch for a bit.
The movie is good and I wonder why the 1950’s are traditionally considered a chaste decade. Lana Turner is beautiful. Why do they not make bras like that anymore?
I am hungry. Maybe I should eat something. NO! The last time I gave birth, I ate something and vomited during a hard contraction. Never mind, I will just finish this movie.
Gee, four minutes apart. These things are coming fast. Maybe I should put on my makeup and shave my legs. I looked terrible the last time I gave birth. I want my makeup on this time. Off to the bathroom.
Thirty minutes and four contractions later I look somewhat better. Let’s see what Lana is up to now, the tramp.
Contraction. Breathe. Contraction. Breathe.
Maybe I should wake MDH up. Naaaaah!
Contraction. Contraction. Contraction. Pant. Pant. Pant.
I crawl to the bedroom.
Get your clothes on and take me to the hospital because I am in labor!!!
How long have you been in labor?
About four hours.
How far apart are the contractions?
About a minute.
Why didn’t you wake me sooner?
I was watching the 1957 version of Peyton Place.
I have never seen it before and I wanted to see what happened to trampy Lana Turner.
Contraction. Pant. Pant.
We find ourselves speeding to the hospital. After I am checked in and situated in my room, I am attached to fifteen different monitors. By this time, I am almost dilated to six.
Where is my epidural! Please bring that large needle and shove it into my spine!
Aaah – that feels much better. No more pain. I actually sleep a few hours.
It is time to push. I hate this part. Push! Push!
3:55 p.m. September 30, 1996…
I push twice and am handed a gorgeous baby boy!
Easy as pie!
Can anyone tell me what happened on Peyton Place?
Just kidding, I read the book.